# 1

Names and identifying characteristics/particulars have been changed/omitted for obvious reasons

Slightly expanded notes & conclusions N&C -a are included at the bottom of the page.

22-June-2011

The booking process is mostly uneventful and only a little awkward when the high school tour group comes through - with just me, your captive reporter, sitting in the booking room facing the glass that separates the bookers from the bookees (the booking process could be volatile in certain situations - you can imagine).

The god damn piece of shit $2,500.00 finger print scanner wasn't fuckin' workin' - as the lady put it - so we had to "do it old school" (again 'lady').

There is an enormous amount of cussing among the jail staff, you might say a 'gratuitus amount'.

There is also, among the staff, a large percentage missing front teeth (noticed in booking room, to be fair)

The cursing/cussing/swearing etc what have you is all benign work place banter. It actually comes off as a kind of "Kiss my grits." road side diner but with

           XXXXX
                   and
                 XXXXXX
with badges pinned to
xxxxxxx xxxx xxxx
serving the food.

Those who do not get the diner analogy/reference it's not worth the sidebar to explain so, you know, disregard.

While staring at a plate of 'food' that's been offered (and politely, oddly sincerely - therefore, suspiciously offered) a conversation between officer

             xxxxxx
                     and                     xxxx concerns the assassination of JFK (which is, by the way, like talking about baseball, TV etc - boring)

Officer________

                 
says that he's always said that it was Johnson & Hoover behind the whole thing - "I'm dead certain." - he adds, thusly preempting any debate on the preamble.

"I'm dead certain" said in a way or a tone that suggests officer_______

is dead certain about a lot
xx xxxxxx
he has no xxxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxxxxxbased on facts/reality. 

Like, as when, in May when gas was $4.19 and I said it would be $5 by summer - I had no idea - I was, as the staff might and do say, "Talkin' out my ass."

Enter into booking hive - mammoth bull head deputy_______

(some names I do not want to omit for obvious reasons -humor/self-sabotage but....) 

His head is shaved in such a way as to suggest it's been shorn to the second third or fourth dermal layer with a salve of car wax applied and buffed to an ultra-high sheen - a ritual, you might imagine, performed in the nude with a straight razor and ear damaging levels of death metal.

But still, a little more 'together' than Loughner.

Heard not seen: "Looks like third shift didn't do a damn bit of paperwork last night! I mean, what the fuck?"

Usual On The Job Complaints met with the usual OTJ indifference.

11:30am

DNA swab

N&C-b

Anything outside of Standard Operating Procedure - e.g., A DNA swab is, here @PCJ, usually sealed in a postage paid, preaddressed, plastic mailer sleeve but when faced with a Non-SOP or slight variation in the swab-seal-send SOP (say, the DNA is to be sent to a different jurisdiction - and out of state -OMFG) brain cells_____

                           neurons                          xxxxxxx xxxxxx             implode and xx xxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx xxxx xx xxxx

Anger, confusion, Perp-perplexion. 

N&C-c

Heard but not seen:

"Can I ask a rhetorical question?"

I do not how to properly illuminate here the level of

xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xxxx! xxx xxxx?

12ish

Scrub my bunk and locker with some kind of acrid green fluid in a spray bottle.

Delousing powder not available, another movie fantasy destroyed. 

I scrub so thoroughly that one of the other 'residents' asks me if I work there

N&Cd

12:45

Make my bed, lay in it.

3:12

Fall off bunk, land on edge of steel bunk below and bruise several ribs, crack one.

 Various other injuries incurred.

N&Ce

Jailer asks me, "You still doing comedy?"

Paris is beautiful this time of year, even to a corpse.

Seen but not hearing:

A lumbering disheveled (and grumpy looking too) jailer with a large hearing aid distinctly stuck in his ear - I assume it's a hearing aid, it's "massive" as the british like to say

(British affinity for words that begin mass-) it could be a control port. 

As he walks he rises to one side and drops to the other repeatedly- it's the worse case of uneaqualibrium I've ever witnessed.

Notes & Conclusions

a)Never mind

b) Does the thought of your DNA being compared to a data bank of DNA from unsolved crimes give you a slight, tiny, chilling pause?

c)It is also not advisable to, as an inmate, offer to pay for additional postage and suggest a Sharpie as solution to the "How do we change the address on the mailer sleave?" problem.

d) Do I work there? I'm a convict, not a

xxxx.

e)Beyond some magical miniature voo doo doll being held vengefully somewhere in Seattle, I have no idea how exactly this happened.I'm not what you'd call "uncoordinated" although I do have a very specific strain of "luck".

"What's with the crazy font changes and stuff?"

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