"You watchin' this? -?"
"Yeah"
I'm looking at it, 'it' is on, the television, I'm watching "Cops".
His question is of incredulousness.
I can tell by not only his tone but also his raised eyebrows, distended jaw, he just can't believe I'm watchin' "Cops"
"Why, you don't like it?"
"Not bein locked up, I don't. Sure don't"
-shrug-
" Not bein locked up, no sir."
"I don't get the difference, you're locked up out there too."
His eyebrows crunch down like he's trying to catch flies, then spring back up, then make a cartoonish arch with the one and a back-slash with the other.
He leaves the room.
Of course I could have engaged him a little instead of just shutting him down but that's usually not my style. Unless I'm in an engaging mood which, I'm usually not in here.
I would have pointed out, had I felt like it, that every night he checks out of "locked up" to go do his job and "no sir, and sure don't" to whoever usually has to listen to him at work.
Also, I don't have to talk to anyone. Sometimes I'll pretend I don't hear someone. Sometimes I look at them and then look away, this is my response.
The reason is, once you start, you can't stop it. Or you can't stop it without some weirdness or slighted feelings. So I don't start.
If you don't know what I'm getting at in so far as engaging talkative people in certain situations, it probably wouldn't be worth my while to two-finger type an explanation or yours to read it.
What I meant by "locked up out there" was on at least two but maybe three levels.
One being that he's border-line retarded - DD - just this side of slapping himself for a pudding pop. (Not being coarse here, insulting, just factual)
And tard-self-awareness can be debated but a prison you don't know you're in is still a prison.
See below;
The other, concerns all of us in here and out "there" and probably for a large portion of the mid-west whether cognitive of it or not the answer is a stark reality and begs a call to action of those affected and aware and the question is, how free are you in Peoria, Illinois? Just the prevailing "Wisdom" of this town, county, general geographic area, is a fucking prison.
Out-of-towners see following crash course: our sweet, plump children , The outdoor life
scenery
The county fair
The Family Farms
....depression, suicide, etc.
Illinois, the "Come here and die state" or the "you ain't got the right to die until it happens 'naturally' you know, death by corporate toxins and whatter-not state"
Back to-
The "other", other level:
Even when we're out working, we're still locked up - the psychological effects of knowing you're being watched, sometimes followed, sometimes snooked-up-upon, can wear on you.
Short while later "locked up guy" is back, haunching around the room, touchin' base with the fools who've opened the door to him. I want to ask him his "locked up" feeling or opinion concerning the viewing of "the family guy".
But I don't for reasons mentioned above and, also, honestly, I don't want to actually ask him, I only want to hypothetically pose the question in my head and write about it. This is, incidentally, what I prefer to do most of the time in most situations, I'm writing your part in my story.
This may explain my small social circle which, is safe to say, if we want to be blunt and break it down into real terms and why the fuck wouldn't we want to? - my social "circle" barley makes for a ",".
Earlier in the common room:
"Hey, I'm watching that."
Guy came in and sat right in front of the TV, blocking my view. I mean, as far as you are to your screen right now, he was to the TV - the TV sits on a table, it's like a 19" or something, the audio is horrible, no cable, &c. - he turns, looks at me, turns back.
"Hey, Hey I can't see through you."
He turns back after a pause and says, "I heard you the first time." then gets up and walks by me which is when I look up at him and say, "Okay, Alright." as in a tone of "Oh, I thought for a minute you didn't hear me because you didn't fucking move, so I was thinking still, that you were trying to posture, maybe some Big Dog shit or whatever but maybe you're just slow at comprehension, which, ya' know, from where I'm sitting, is totally believable."
What this all is is stupidity.
This is not "The Joint" it's not even jail, it's kinda' jail. But so, here's the thing - if you fuck up in here, and not even majorly so, you roll up your mattress and head to the other side.
The real deal.
